


What's Real, What's Fake

by suzannahbee123



Series: Illustrator Series [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Original Character(s), Original Female Character - Freeform, Smut, cheating without cheating, original character who may or may not be likeable, serious crush on another man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 03:08:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16508201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzannahbee123/pseuds/suzannahbee123
Summary: Brenda Jones is a Mutant with a pretty unique power. Recruited by SHIELD, she becomes a part of the Avengers. But Brenda has always dreamed big and her current fantasy has the capacity to hurt more than just herself…





	1. Chapter 1

_Once upon a time, in a far away land known as New York City, resided a group of the world’s most elite and fiercest warriors known only as The Avengers. Brave, strong and true, they were the first defence against the vile and evil creatures that would presume to do harm upon this world. All of them, from a very young age, were filled with a sense of justice and duty that had brought them together to vanquish all evil. Some were filled with an intelligence brighter and sharper than diamonds, others were blessed with the strength of ten men, others were cunning and daring, and, yes, some were even Gods._

_Alas, the strength of ten men, nor the immortality that comes with being a God could protect them when they would fight amongst themselves, for what may be impenetrable from the outside, could always crumble from within-_

“Excuse me, Miss Jones? The Team has arrived back within New York’s borders safe and sound and will be disembarking within the next twenty minutes.” FRIDAY’s lilting Irish accent filtered through the hidden speakers in Brenda’s room, making her jump up from her bed where she had been “creating” her fantastical daydream.

Quickly running to the mirror over her vanity unit, she brushed out her blonde hair, giving it a further fluff up with her fingers, followed by some quickly applied lip gloss and mascara so that her baby blue eyes popped. Brenda smiled at her reflection, giggling like a schoolgirl as she felt butterflies erupt in her stomach at the thought of seeing _him_ again.

It had been two weeks since they went on this mission and Brenda missed all of them, but, there was always this empty feeling in her stomach whenever _he_ was away, in particular. It was sooo sappy, but, Brenda just couldn’t help it, she felt what she felt and that was all there was to it.

Quickly changing out from her comfy jeans and t-shirt into a slightly _less_ comfortable dress that showed off her cleavage and her legs to great effect, Brenda ran from her room in the Tower and ran to the elevators that would take her up to the roof to meet them.

Sighing, Brenda shook her hair out again, getting agitated with nerves. As a Mutant with the power of “creating” anything that she had seen in fiction, she had been deemed useful to SHIELD and had been recruited straight from Xavier’s School and sent into further training. Brenda had been so star struck that for the first year there she had not been able to do much, all her creations feeble and uninspired, so, she had been relegated to Comms.

As it turned out, this had been a genius move, she could communicate with all the Team and, because they were all out of sight, she could concentrate and do an effective job. Then, the attack on New York had happened and, finally, she had proven herself. Seeing her city being attacked, innocent people dying all around her, something had clicked and from her fingertips had sprung several Dragons of various shapes and sizes. One was clearly the dragon from Sleeping Beauty, for example. Another was from Reign of Fire. The third was Drogon but, he was a bit fuzzy as Brenda was reading the series of books at this stage and hadn’t drawn by hand before (which always helped her bring her creations to life).

Still, he breathed fire very effectively.

The Hulk was obviously able to take on the flying armoured slug things but, even he wasn’t able to be everywhere at once and Brenda’s dragons had come very much in handy, especially as (because they were fiction) they were impervious to harm and only disappeared when Brenda willed it.

After that display, Brenda was used for all big missions and her “Illustrations”, varying from dragons and other monsters, to soft and cuddly animals used to soothe distressed children to, well, anything that would help in a mission. The creations were used as distractions, aides and even as outright offensive techniques, depending on what was required.

Brenda scowled slightly as she rose through the floors, still feeling slightly miffed that Steve hadn’t allowed her on _this_ mission. _Another_ mission that she had been side-lined for. _Another_ mission where she was lucky if she was even _allowed_ to see the Comms room and help coordinate. All because of that _one_ mission, six months ago. One mission gone bad and one ( _slightly_ , worse than,) minor injury later and Steve had gone full raging Captain and banned her from future missions until she got further along into her training.

Rolling her eyes, Brenda pasted a smile to her face, she would hate for _him_ to see her as anything other than happy and pretty when he came strolling out of the Quinjet.

When Brenda got up there, she ran to stand underneath the awning that was overhanging the wall so as to not get blown away by the wind and watched, breathless with anticipation, as the Quinjet landed smoothly. A few moments later and the back opened revealing Bucky first, who stepped down and stalked towards where Brenda was and the exit.

Bucky didn’t say anything to Brenda and she avoided his gaze, Bucky didn’t like her and Brenda was too afraid of the ex assassin to deal with it.

Brenda knew exactly what his issue with her was, but it was none of his business.

Next came Natasha and Sam, arm in arm, with Clint and Bruce following close behind. The four of them nodded and smiled in her direction and Brenda gave a small wave, “How’s he doing? Mission go okay?”

“Went a bit sideways towards the end but, nothing Cap and Thor couldn’t handle.” Nat smirked, “I think this mild brush with death will just make him desperate to reaffirm life, _if_ you get my meaning.”

Brenda blushed and waved them on. Her man did have a voracious appetite.

Loki was next and he smiled that oddly charming and sinister smile at her, using his own version of illusions to change from his fighting leathers to a suit that was a work of art all on it’s own.

“Are we still on for our magic lessons tomorrow, little Illustrator?”

Brenda quirked an eyebrow at the trickster God, “Yes, Mischief. I have to or else I can never get back to missions. Go on,” Brenda waved a hand at him, “Go play elsewhere.”

Brenda’s eyes moved past Loki to the man exiting the Quinjet behind him and everything else fell away. So enraptured by the vision of pure male beauty that walked gracefully down the ramp, Brenda didn’t see Loki’s frown or hear the softly frustrated sigh that escaped his lips.

Thor had come back and Brenda was quaking with nervous anticipation.

“Thor…” Brenda’s breathless plea would’ve been drowned out and inaudible over the wind to anyone that wasn’t a Norse God but, Thor heard her and smiled, closing the distance between them and taking her hand in his and placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles that Brenda felt all the way down to her womb.

“My lady… how do you fare today?”

“I-I…uh.. yes. Well.” A girlish giggle and Brenda ducked her head as she blushed. “I am good thanks, Thor. How are you? You weren’t hurt?”

“Ha! The agents of HYDRA could only _wish_ to harm one such as myself! They cowered before me as all small weak things do!”

Brenda stared up at him in awe. Truly, she would _love_ to be “cowering” in front of him…

“Well!” A hearty smile, “I have matters to attend to, within. Have a wonderful day, Lady Brenda! Take care with Steve.” Thor lowered his head to whisper conspiritably in her ear, making Brenda’s head swim with his intoxicating scent and completely miss the words he spoke to her.

“Your beloved missed you and spoke endlessly of his care and devotion. I think we should increase your training so as to expedite your return to the fold. Yes?”

All Brenda caught was that Thor wanted to train further so she nodded. “Yes. Of course, uh, when-?”

“Wonderful. I shall inform Loki. Until tomorrow!”

Brenda stared after Thor and his thick golden hair, his broad back, trim waist and long firm legs, cursing the fact that he had to bring Loki into their training sessions.

Oblivious, Brenda didn’t notice Steve Rogers, her boyfriend, exiting the Quinjet and seeing her staring after another man.

***

Steve loved Brenda. Honestly, when he had woken in the 21st century, his head had been filled with the love he had lost with Peggy Carter, finding someone else had never been a goal he wanted to achieve. So, he threw himself into being a member of The Avengers, especially after the New York attack when he realised the camaraderie he missed from his Howling Commando days might not be so hard to come by in this new century, after all.

Steve still saw Peggy, quietly revelling in what she had made of herself and secretly thankful that he had some time to say goodbye, and resigned himself to a life of solidarity.

Until Brenda.

They started talking over the comms, at first she didn’t realise who he was and by the time he came to see her they had been fairly familiar and Brenda was able to hold a conversation with him, even if she couldn’t look him in the eye.

No one would ever believe him but, the feeling of inadequacy in the face of a pretty lady was still hard to overcome from his days as a small and sickly young man and Brenda _never_ made him feel like a centrefold come to life, unlike a lot of the women nowadays.

Eventually they went on a date, then, another and within three months Brenda had moved in with him at the Tower and Steve had never been happier. Except… the thought of losing her, like he had lost Bucky, it didn’t matter that Bucky had now been found and returned to active duty, the thought haunted him.

So, when Brenda had been injured whilst saving some children in a hospital that had been filled with gun toting fanatics because she hadn’t been able to concentrate on creating appropriate Illustrations _and_ take care of the children, well, Steve had panicked. Seeing her lying in a hospital bed, black and blue from where she had, poorly, fought off one man and bandaged around the waist due to a bullet wound, it had almost broken him.

But, it had opened his eyes. Brenda wasn’t ready for fully active duty, no matter what she said. Her hand to hand was barely adequate, her gun skills were sufficient but not anywhere _close_ to expert, even her skill in the Comms station had waned because she felt she was too good for it now she was a “real Avenger.”

Since then though, no matter what Steve said to her or how much he had shown her how much he cared, Brenda had started pulling away, and it absolutely terrified Steve. He knew that the extra training with Loki and sometimes Thor were a part of it but he refused to look too closely at his worries.

Steve didn’t want to look to closely at the thought that Thor was too honourable a man to sleep with a comrades woman.

That if something happened, it would be because _Brenda_ was the one who pushed for it.

Now, after a mission that had almost ended with him and Nat blown up, saved only by the fact that Thor, God of Thunder, had shown up and blasted through the HYDRA agents and fried the small but powerful bombs, Steve was feeling all his old insecurities and inadequacies again.

And Brenda was looking at Thor like she would happily run away with him.

“Brenda.”

Those baby blue eyes locked with his as she turned to face him and her smile dropped for the barest fraction of a second before her lips pulled back up and her smile lit up her face, “Steve! I missed you so much, honey!”

Brenda ran to him and threw herself at him and Steve felt his body respond immediately. Bowing her soft body against his, Steve thrust his fingers into the base of her hair and kissed her like his very life depended on it.

Steve kind of thought that it did.

Brenda moaned into his mouth, her own heart pounding against his chest and the beats synchronising with his own and Steve told himself over and over that she would only ever be this responsive with him, that Brenda only loved him, a crush was fine as long as she truly loved Steve only.

Picking her up and pulling her legs to wrap around his waist, Steve all but ran back into the Quinjet and hit the button for the ramp to pull back up, the urgency to be back inside her, to get them as close as physically possible, turning his brain into a red haze.

Brenda giggled in his arms as she realised what he was doing, pressing herself more firmly against him before dropping back to her feet once the door was closed. Steve didn’t give her a chance to talk, just claimed her mouth in another kiss and pressed her back against the wall, holding her face to his with his left hand and dropping his right to her skirt, bunching it up and playing his fingers over her lace covered folds. Steve groaned when he felt how wet Brenda already was.

“This all for me, sweetness?”

Brenda’s eyes were closed, her head was thrown back in passion and she whispered, “Yes. Oh yes.”

Jaw clenched, Steve tore the scrap of fabric from her and helped Brenda remove the upper part of his suit so he could free himself.

“I love you, Brenda. God, I need you.”

Steve’s words were thick and hoarse as he pushed himself slowly inside Brenda’s welcoming body and he felt pride surge through him when she moaned in ecstasy.

“You love me too, Brenda? Do you? You want me as much as I want you?”

“Yes, God yes!”

Steve’s thrusts became erratic, harder, he lifted Brenda’s leg and hooked it around his waist, going for her g-spot repeatedly.

“Tell me you love me, Brenda! Say it!”

“I love you! I love you- _shit!”_

Brenda gushed around his cock as she came and Steve followed not far behind on a strangled yell. They sank to the floor, panting for breath and Steve pulled Brenda to lie on top of him, kissing the top of her head as he did so.

“I love you, Brenda.”

“I love you, too.”

Steve softly dragged his free hand down his face. Not once had she said his name.


	2. Chapter 2

Brenda Jones loved Steve Rogers. This was her truth that she was determined to hold on to, no matter what lust fuelled fantasies her brain was determined to haunt her with, no matter what hormone addled dreams kept her from sleeping properly, Brenda knew, with everything in her that she loved Steve Rogers. More importantly, she knew that he loved her back and he was just a big, giant, overprotective man baby who didn’t _want_ to drive her insane.

Steve just wanted her safe.

So, wiping the sweat from her brow, she listened more closely to what Natasha was telling her and the other recruits about how to take down someone who was bigger, heavier, and also armed, without expending so much energy that they would be useless if the fight went on longer than ninety seconds. Brenda didn’t cheer with the rest of them when Nat took down a charging Sam, grabbing his swinging fist and using that forward momentum to trip him and send him face first into the mat, just carefully watched it and committed it to memory so that she could mimic it when it was her turn to try.

By the end of the lesson, Brenda was the only recruit who could successfully take down Sam and Clint, even using initiative to try moves that Nat hadn’t been showing in that lesson. At the end of training, Brenda was feeling good about herself again, helped by the fact that Sam and Clint had both commented on how much she had improved and by the sweet and sappy text she had received from Steve telling her to “dress in what was in the box in our room” because he “wanted to show off his best girl on the town.” Replying with a flirty text of her own, Brenda almost didn’t hear Nat talking to her.

“It’s good to see you two smiling again. I was starting to get worried.”

Brenda cursed internally before looking to the redhead and frowning, “What do you mean? Steve and I have never been better.”

“Listen, it’s none of my business but-”

“But, naturally, you have to get involved and say something, anyway.” Brenda interrupted, rolling her eyes and turning back to her phone.

“I was where you are now, Brenda. I don’t mind sharing advice.”

This caused Brenda to pause. Slowly, she put her phone in her bag and turned to Nat, crossing her arms as she did so. “Advice on what? How to break someone’s heart? Or how to rearrange the thoughts in your brain so they stay how they’re supposed to? Because, honestly Nat, I think those are the only options left to me.”

“I know you have a crush on Thor, and that’s okay.” Nat said softly, smiling at Brenda in a completely non judgemental way and making Brenda relax slightly. “I mean, hell, we all do, just a little. Those arms, right?”

Brenda closed her eyes in frustration, she did _not_ want to think about those gigantic arms of his, dammit!

“But I can tell that your crush is taking over what you feel for Steve.” Nat continued, mercilessly, “And he knows it. There’s no way he wouldn’t.”

“I don’t know how to turn off my brain, Nat. I love Steve, but, all I ever seem to think about is Thor and how beautiful he is and how respectful he is and how he has never made me feel weak or useless or-”

“Thor doesn’t know you like Steve does.” Nat’s voice was implacable and Brenda shut straight up. “Thor is a great man but he isn’t into you. Steve loves you and you love him, that’s it.”

“You loved Bucky, once. Bucky still loves you.” Brenda threw that out without thinking and regretted it immediately. It was too late though, words can never be taken back or forgotten once spoken.

“Bucky loved a past version of me that I refuse to let exist anymore! Bucky wanted to remember a hit woman that was as damaged as he still is, to make himself feel better! I wanted to help him but Bucky wanted to be punished and being with me was… we were no good for each other.”

Feeling lower than dirt, Brenda hung her head as Nat yelled at her.

“Sam would actually talk to me and make me laugh and then he would give me advice on how to be a better person… Sam _saw_ me, Brenda, as a real person. Bucky… he couldn’t. But you know what? I, at least, had the courage to talk to Bucky and he let me go and we can still work together, think the same will happen with you and Steve if you don’t fess up?” Nat’s eyes were hard as she stared Brenda down. “Steve is too smart to not know you have feelings for someone else and it will make it worse that you won’t admit to it. Because you’re making it more than a crush, you’re making it real.”

Nat spun on her heel and left Brenda in the gym, all her previous good mood, gone.

***

Once Brenda got back to her room she almost broke down in tears at the beautifully wrapped box from her favourite boutique on the bed. Sure enough, when she opened it, the dress and shoes she had been covetously eyeing up every time she walked past the store was in there with a handwritten note from Steve laying on the top.

_Darling Brenda,_

_I know that I’ve not been the best at building you up recently, the incident at the hospital shook me more than I thought possible and I let my love for you overtake my common sense._

_You’re a great addition to the team and more useful than just a distraction creator and it’s about time I remembered that._

_I’ve spoken to Loki and we want you back on fully active duty within the next three weeks._

_So, to celebrate, tonight I’m taking you to that Italian place you keep on talking about and then we’re going dancing._

_I love you Brenda, I need you and not just as a teammate._

_Yours,_

_Steve xoxoxo_

Warmth spread through Brenda as she read and her face almost hurt from the force of her smile. Steve _saw_ her, as Nat said, this meant more than some stupid crush on a man - sorry, a _God_ \- who would _never_ see her in a romantic way.

Excited and happy, Brenda ran to the shower to begin making herself perfect for her perfect Super Soldier.

***

The date with Steve had been going so well, he was dressed in a blue suit that picked out his eyes and emphasised those stupidly wide shoulders of his and he wined and dined her and then took her to the roof of the restaurant where there was a canopy of twinkling fairy lights and roses and soft music and they had danced under the stars.

The magic of the last two weeks, weeks were Brenda could focus on the love of her life and not the distraction of one God of Thunder, made Brenda’s heart sing in happiness and she had never felt happier.

Until, that was, they arrived home and stumbled through the door, tearing clothes and muttering all the debauched things they wanted to do to each other and Steve uttered the words that ruined _everything_.

“God, I forgot how sexy your voice is, Bren… I can’t wait to have it back, whispering in my ear during the next mission.”

It took her a moment but when the words filtered through her pleasure hazed brain she felt like ice water had replaced her blood and Brenda pulled away.

_“What?!”_

“You’re back on Comms…Bren, you were injured, _seriously_ injured, you can’t go back into a combat zone straight away, you _know_ this! Everyone has to go through the Comms station to adjust themselves before heading back into a real danger zone!”

“You wouldn’t have to!”

“That’s- it’s _different_ , Brenda! I’m Captain America! No one gives me a break, once I heal physically I go right back out because that’s what’s expected!”

Brenda ignored the hurt and anger on his face, she just didn’t care. All her life she had wanted to be special and helpful and when she found out she was a mutant? Dream, realised. Except, no one took her seriously because it was such a _stupid_ mutation! Now, the one person who was supposed to love and trust her above all others was ignoring what she could do!

Because he thought she was weak…

Without thinking through the consequences, Brenda spat, “And what does Thor think about me being sent to Comms? I mean, he set me up with Loki to train, _he_ appreciates what I can do!”

_Thor wouldn’t treat me like this._

The angry thought rose unbidden, along with the half formed fantasy of her sobbing in Thor’s arms and how he would soothe her and agree that Steve was being ridiculous.

Steve didn’t say anything, just looked at her for a long moment. Shame, like what she had felt when Nat had confronted her that afternoon welled up but, before she could wrap her head around the words for an apology and talk to Steve like an adult, he sighed and moved back towards the door.

“Why don’t you ask him tomorrow? He’s coming back from Asgard to help with the mission. I know what his opinion will mean to you.”

With that, Steve walked out of the door to their apartment and went to sleep in another, leaving Brenda alone with her angry and bitter thoughts and her less than pleasant daydreams of Thor swooping in and admitting his undying love for her.

***

“Illustrator! Pay attention!”

Brenda groaned and spun towards Loki with a glare, “I am! You try creating an army from thin air and-” The angry words were halted when Loki waved a hand and the army of clones from Star Wars appeared as if from nowhere.

“Fucking show off.” Brenda muttered, bitterly.

“You do realise that I only did this to prove a point? I am not trying to show off or shame you or any such nonsense? What you can do is unique, even in Asgard, no one can create what you can.”

“You’ve just proven that _you_ can and-” Again, Brenda was cut off when Loki’s eyes went red and her threw her bottle of water at one of the projections, and the bottle went sailing straight through it.

“As you can see, little Illustrator, mine are not what yours are. They do not think for themselves and are quite useless in a fight. You must get better at concentrating and creating and-”

“And _what_ , Loki?!” Brenda screamed, the anger and hurt from the night before boiling up and spilling over, threatening to burn even the coldest God. “What’s the point?! When, instead of using me to my full potential, I am fucking relegated to Comms, _again?!”_

Loki stared in shock at Brenda, “You are daring to throw a tantrum at _me_ , Loki of Asgard, because you are being brought back as an Avenger, in the appropriate way for someone who suffered an injury as you did?!”

“I am able to help, properly! I can go to this base and-”

“No. You can’t.”

Loki’s voice rang with finality and Brenda almost screamed. “Thor wouldn’t-”

“Wouldn’t what?” Loki’s silky voice interjected and Brenda froze as he started stalking towards her, anger sharpening his features and making him almost scary.

“Thor is the King of Asgard, raised to be so by our father, Odin. Thor trained with warriors, with the Valkyrie, with Heimdall and our mother. What could possibly make you think he would care about whether _you_ were there or not?”

Loki’s words stung but, for some reason, Brenda found herself standing taller and meeting Loki’s disdainful green gaze, “Thor likes me and sees my potential. Probably, he’s the only one here who does.”

“No, Illustrator.” Loki shook his head and smirked, “Thor may like you as a Midgardian, but he does not see you as anything more than a little child who can make pretty pictures. You will never look like a Queen Consort to him.”

Brenda gasped and stumbled back, the pain of his words _almost_ succeeding in driving Thor from her mind, the truth of them hitting her hard.

At least, until, Thor himself came swaggering into the training room, leather clad thighs looking deliciously thick and his bare chest glistening with a light sheen of sweat.

“Hello, brother! I was just training with The Hulk and I thought I heard you and sweet Brenda talking about me! I couldn’t hear everything but I did hear something about pretty pictures? Come, fair Brenda, show me how far my brother has gotten your gifts today!”

Brenda’s fingers shook as she created 10 Uruk Hai from The Lord of the Rings easily and they growled and stamped and roared as they clashed their swords against their shields. Brenda almost swooned when Thor cheered and whooped before scooping her up and hugging her against his firm chest.

“I uh- thanks, Thor, well-”

“Is it me or is it getting colder? Did Stark do something in here to make it unbearable for me? Typical, the man hates that I am stronger and smarter and better looking and that I can drink more than him. Very well, I shall leave for now and find some clothing, I suppose. Farewell, sweet Brenda! Loki.”

Thor left with an angry look to his brother and left without saying anything else.

“You made it colder so he would leave, didn’t you?!” Brenda spun and glared at the Mischief God, furious that he had ruined that moment for her.

“Well, that’s it. You’ve bested me and foiled my evil plans. Argh, curses, revenge will be mine, et cetera. Now. I’m going home.” Loki rolled his eyes and left after Thor leaving Brenda stewing in frustration.

Honestly, she didn’t even know who she was angry at anymore and that was a problem.

***

“Steve, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a brat last night. I’m sorry for pulling away and being distracted. I’m sorry I’m making you feel like I don’t love you anymore because I really, really do. I just don’t feel like I’m worthy to be here, to be with you and-and-”

Brenda’s words were cut off when Steve gently pulled her to him and held her against his chest. He didn’t say anything, just held her, stroking the hair down her back and placing gentle kisses against the crown of her head.

“I know you love me, Bren. I know it.” Steve sounded so sad though and Brenda felt tears well up at what she had done to them, and then the image of Thor holding her in a similar way this afternoon rose in her mind.

God, she would do _anything_ to make this crush go away!

“I know you would, sweetheart. I wish I knew how to make it better again. I know that this is all it is.”

Brenda rose panic filled eyes to Steve’s, “I said that out loud?! Oh, shit, Steve…”

“Brenda.” Steve’s voice was firm and he locked gazes with her and Brenda was helpless against him and that tone in his voice. “I’ve known about this stupid crush for almost as long as you’ve had it. I don’t like it but I’m man enough to know that it doesn’t _have_ to mean anything, not unless you want it to.”

Steve dropped to his knees in front of her and Brenda swallowed, thickly.

“Brenda, please, just promise me that you won’t jeopardize us or the Team because of this? I know you’re mad about the Comms thing, and I get it, but, it is what it is. If you don’t want to do it then fine, but I’ll have to recommend you get removed from The Avengers. If you can’t act like a team player then you’re no good to the team.”

Anger rose in her, swiftly and surely, Thor’s face rose in her head remarking how he would _never_ let her be treated by him in such a way.

Brenda pushed the emotion down and ignored it, kneeling on the floor in front of Steve.

“I love you and I trust you to make me a better Avenger and be a better person. I want to be with you and I will do my best to never let you down again. I love you so much, Steven Grant Rogers. You _see_ me and I love you for it.”

Tears filled Steve’s eyes and he pulled her to him, clashing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss, “I love you, Brenda, I love you. Please don’t leave me. Please…please.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

***

Several hours later saw Brenda in the kitchen, grabbing some drinks and some snacks for her and Steve. Brenda felt… peaceful. Steve knew and hadn’t turned her away and Brenda was secure in the knowledge that he and Steve were meant to be together and that her stupid, dumb crush would go. So absorbed in her thoughts was she that Brenda didn’t hear the quiet footsteps coming in and halting in the doorway or notice the hard blue eyes glaring at her until the deep voice spoke and made her jump.

“I heard what you said to Nat, yesterday.”

Brenda jumped and almost created Aslan the Lion to protect her from Bucky but forced herself to stop at the last moment. “Oh? Well, you do give off a creepy stalker vibe, can’t say I’m surprised.”

Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise but he recovered quickly. “I know you think that you and her have something in common, that what happened with her and Sam could be you and Thor if you play your cards right.”

“No, that’s-”

“But I saw you, remember? Making out with some fake, illustrated version of Thor, hands all over and begging him to fuck you against the wall in the library, like some fucking whore.”

Brenda went pale as he spoke and began trembling, “Bucky, I-”

“You ain’t nothin’ like Nat. Nat genuinely loves Sam and was woman enough to tell me how she really felt and gave me a chance to fix us. It was never her fault that I couldn’t and I only wanted her happy, even if I can’t be, myself.” Bucky raked his gaze over her and his upper lip pulled back in disgust. “You’re just some fucking coward who lives in fantasy world who is going to break my best friends heart and pull this team apart. I mean it, Brenda…”

Backing up rapidly, Brenda’s back hit the counter behind her as Bucky advanced but he stayed well past arm’s length away.

“I promised to never say anything about that night, you had been injured and Steve was being a pain, but you don’t get to hurt him now, okay? You fuck up on this mission because you think so much of yourself? You get _anyone_ hurt or do something to hurt Steve? I’ll hunt you down and I’ll kill you.”

Brenda didn’t breathe easily again until long after Bucky had left, nonchalantly taking a bag of chips with him. Brenda _wasn’t_ going to hurt Steve, fuck what Bucky thought. This mission was her saving grace, her chance to be a real member of the team and why she deserved to be with someone like Steve.

Brenda ignored the fantasies in her head as she got back to her room and lay with her Super Soldier on the bed as they watched a movie. Fantasies where Thor had come into the kitchen and blasted Bucky through the window with his lightning for daring to be so rude to her.

Brenda loved Steve, and that was that.


	3. Chapter 3

The past two weeks had been a blur for Brenda, her training with both Nat and Loki had increased and, even though she barely had time to shower and peck Steve’s cheek before collapsing into an exhausted sleep every night, Brenda felt secure about her and Steve. Happy that she had been so busy that Thor had been very far from her mind in every occasion. The fact that Thor had barely been around and, even when he had been at The Tower, he hadn’t seen her, certainly helped with that but Brenda didn’t concern herself with that technicality. Brenda was going back into a mission and things like stupid girly crushes on big, beautiful Gods were beneath her.

Well, this is what she had been telling herself every time Thor’s face would pop up in her brain.

Except, on the morning of the mission, where they were heading to a HYDRA base that had been steadily growing with men and technology that looked like it could be used to create more like Wanda and Pietro, possibly even more like Bucky, Brenda had taken one look at the approaching Thor and felt every cell in her body sit up and take notice.

 _Dammit_. Brenda _tried_ to quell the stupid thoughts and daydreams that rose up, she _tried_ to ignore the surge of happiness at his face and she even turned away from him, looking squarely at Steve and focused on how well that Stealth Suit defined his wide shoulders and trim waist, how thick his thighs looked and, (Brenda had almost forgotten Thor now) how fantastic his ass looked as he leant over the table, going over the plan with Bucky and Nat and-

“Sweet Brenda! I am delighted to see you back on the team! I understand that you will be directing us and not engaging in any battles but, fear not, I know you will be back soon and your Illustrations will strike fear in the hearts of our enemies again!”

Brenda went bright red and smiled lightly under his gaze before looking to Steve, fearing a look of disgust or reprisal. Instead, the look he gave her was tender and Brenda’s smile grew stronger and she turned back to Thor. “Thanks, Thor. Go on to the front, Stark wants a word before we head off.”

Everything would’ve been fine, if Thor hadn’t decided on squeezing her to his side and placing a kiss on the top of her head, “Very well! I shall see you later, little Illustrator!”

The walls against him went crumbling into nothing and Brenda couldn’t meet Steve’s gaze. Steve _never_ showed her that much affection right before a mission.

Everyone got onto the Quinjet and they took off, staying silent and reviewing the plans. The plan was to land three miles of out the base which was in Canada, around Winnipeg, and move in on the jeeps that had been left there, coming in just after The Hulk and Thor who would create a big enough scene to draw them to one place so Steve, Bucky, Sam and Nat could come in once Stark and Rhodes had disabled the outer perimeter.

Brenda would stay with the Quinjet and coordinate from there, having a link up to all of them via cameras and microphones and hacking into the base’s surveillance.

Everything was fine and great, Brenda was going over the equipment and only sneaked a few looks at Thor once or twice and-

“Brenda?! Do you think you could pay attention?! Only our lives are at stake, sweetheart.” Steve’s voice cut through her thoughts and Brenda jumped, turning bright red as she saw everyone’s angry and frustrated glares.

“I was just checking-”

“Yeah, we know what you were checking.” Bucky interjected, snidely. Brenda’s jaw dropped and she waited for someone, anyone, _Steve_ to stick up for her.

But no one did.

Ignoring Thor, who she could’ve sworn she heard growl in anger, Brenda kept her mouth shut and listened to the last of the briefing from Steve.

***

“Okay, we’re heading out.” Steve’s Captain voice was in full effect and Brenda just barely managed to refrain from rolling her eyes. The rest of the trip he had ignored her and she was feeling fed up. It was so _typical!_ The one time she really _had_ been keeping her brain on nothing but the mission and that’s when all of them call her out. Steve didn’t say a damn word in her defence…

“Brenda?”

Taking a deep breath, Brenda turned towards her “teammates” and nodded, “All the equipment is set up and I can hear everything. Good luck. See you in a few hours.”

No further goodbyes were said and soon, Brenda was all alone in the jet with just the crackle of the speakers to keep her occupied.

***

An hour later and Brenda had seen them safely through the first part of the journey and now there was radio silence as they moved to attack the base. Brenda was doodling some characters she had seen on a recent post zombie apocalypse tv-show and wondering idly if zombies could be an adequate weapon if she made them, or if their bite would still turn people when Thor sauntered in and she nearly fell from her chair in shock.

“Thor?! What the hell are you doing here?!”

“Well, I was talking with The Hulk and it seems he was especially angry at how no one stood up for his “Brenda friend” and he wanted to do the attack by himself. The base was smaller and less armed than we had thought so, I agreed and came back.”

Brenda blinked. She knew that Hulk liked her, as much as he liked anyone, as she had made countless Illustrations for him to play with and train with. Hulks favourite had been Godzilla but he was partial to King Kong as well.

“Do the others know? Thor, really, you should go back and-”

“Why do they say these things about you, Brenda? Why is their loyalty to you so poor?”

Brenda went red and dropped her gaze to the Comms system, needlessly adjusting the dials for a moment, “Thor… you really shouldn’t have left and-wait- there were less people there? That can’t be right, Thor, that’s-”

“Brenda, please answer the question. The tension within the team is becoming irksome and, apparently, it has something to do with you, I wish to know why.”

Brenda shook her head against the little voice screaming in joy because Thor cared and rushed out, “Steve and I are fighting about something, that’s all. Obviously, the team will side with him. He’s Captain America, after all.” Thor smiled in apparent confusion as Brenda finished with a shrug.

“But you are his love, yes? And you love him? Ha! How silly you Midgardians are, this will all blow over, I am certain of it.”

The radio continued to blare out static into the awkward silence that Thor had trailed off into and Brenda couldn’t take it anymore. Fed up with keeping these stupid feelings inside and ruining her relationship with Steve, Brenda blurted out, “It’s because I have a crush on you, okay?! I can’t stop thinking about you and Steve knows it and everyone else does and they all think I’m pathetic and stupid and I can’t help it, alright?! You’ve been nothing but nice to me and it’s not your fault that I feel these things and I just want it to stop! I want things to go back to how they were before I fucked up and got injured.”

Brenda collapsed against the screens of the comms station and put her face in her hands, “I’m sorry I put you in this position, Thor. You really should go back and make sure everything is okay, just ignore me.”

Thor didn’t ignore her and go though, instead, he walked towards Brenda and gently cupped her cheek with his large palm, making her heart kick off at a gallop, “I am sorry your thoughts have been so troubled in recent months, Brenda. I would take it all from you if I could. I only wish to see you happy.”

Brenda smiled, then, once Thor’s words registered a bit more clearly, she frowned. “You-you don’t - uhh…”

“Of course I do not feel the same! It is not because I find you unattractive, but, you and Steve belong together and I only wish for the longevity of your wonderful relationship.” Thor placed a quick kiss to her forehead and stepped back, leaving Brenda reeling.

Except… she wasn’t. Giggling in shock and some mild hysteria, Brenda realised she wasn’t sad or devastated that Thor didn’t feel the same way. Brenda was _relieved!_

“You…you do always flirt though… that’s not just me, is it?”

Thor barked out a laugh, “Ha! No! I do flirt but it is just a part of my nature! I am also the God of Fertility, lest you forget!”

“Oh… okay. Well, uh, that’s good.” They smiled at each other again and Brenda sighed softly. Knowing that Thor didn’t feel the same _would_ make life slightly easier for her but she was too smart to think that the feelings she had would just disappear in a second because of it. Never mind that she was pissed off at Steve for how he had treated her before the mission.

Speaking of…

“Thor?” Brenda began, cautiously, “You said that the base wasn’t heavily manned?”

“Yes. Barely one hundred men, possibly not even fifty.”

Brenda frowned and her stomach began to cramp in nerves, “That can’t be right… everything we had said that it would be swarming with men and heavy artillery.”

Thor began to look concerned, “I shouldn’t have left.”

Brenda shook her head and turned to the Comms station, “It’s okay, they should be coming in with the preliminary report now.” Brenda pressed some keys, “Cap? What’s the situation?”

Nothing.

“Cap? Steve?!” Brenda felt sweat begin to bead her brow, breathing deeply she yelled, “FRIDAY?! What’s happening here?!”

Ominous silence was all the response she got.

“Shit! Thor!”

Thor was already at the exit, “I’ll go now, Brenda. Communication must be down, that is all.”

“You never should’ve left.” Brenda said bitterly but before Thor could respond, the sound of a speeding jeep and gunshots met their ears. Thor turned back to her, face pale and whispered, “You need to start up this thing.”

Brenda ran to the front and started the engine, breath heaving and hands shaking. Something had gone wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong.

Thor flew into the sky and storm clouds gathered, on a yell he sent lightning down and Brenda shielded her eyes from the brightness. As soon as she could see again, Brenda hurriedly punched in the coordinates for The Tower and ran to the exit, heart threatening to beat right out of her chest

“Steve?! _Steve?!”_ Brenda screamed into the air, “What’s going on?!”

The jeep almost flew into the clearing, dirt flying and engine roaring and Brenda waited for someone to get out, to tell her what the hell had just happened. Barely registering Thor landing next to Hulk who had crashed in behind the jeep looking, if possible, even more angry than usual, Brenda ran to the door of jeep. Except, she had to jump back in a rush when it flew open and she was confronted with the furious gaze of Bucky.

“This is all your fault!” Cold eyes rimmed with red held Brenda prisoner and she couldn’t move.

“N-no! What?! What happened?! Where’s Steve?! Where is h-”

“Like you care.” Bucky grabbed her by the neck with his metal arm and that was all it took for Brenda to freeze. No Illustrations came to mind. No moves that Nat had taught her.

Brenda was looking at The Winter Soldier and she was going to die and-

Bucky flew from Brenda when Steve pulled him off of her. Almost shaking with relief, Brenda sobbed and launched herself at Steve, who just held still and didn’t return the hug.

“Where were you?”

Steve’s voice was colder than Bucky’s. “I was here! Steve, I couldn’t get through! I couldn’t hear FRIDAY and-”

“It was an ambush, Brenda. They knew we were coming.”

Slowly Brenda backed up, only now seeing the cold and angry stares of everyone. Everyone except… “Where’s Nat?”

Sam pushed Steve out of the way and got in her face. “Natasha’s dead. It’s your fault. You and lightning boy here, too busy playing hide the hammer when you get your first chance, huh?!”

Thor stepped up, “Absolutely not! We talked and-”

“ABOUT WHAT?!” Steve bellowed. “It doesn’t matter. Thor, go. I can’t arrest you but you are not part of this team anymore. Brenda?” Steve looked to the small broken body that was laying in the back seat, “You didn’t do your job and now Nat is dead. I have to take you in for Court Marshall.”

“No…nononono-Steve, please, I didn’t- I couldn’t get through to you! They must’ve hacked FRIDAY and-”

“And _bullshit_ , Brenda! Nat is DEAD! Natasha is dead and you were here with Thor… alone… why did he leave?!” Sam bellowed and collapsed next to the jeep, his hands on Nat’s head as it lolled out of the open door, the sunshine hitting the red strands so they shone. Natasha’s green eyes stared sightlessly at the sky and Brenda backed up and away.  “No. I didn’t have anything to do with this! Please, please, you have to believe me!”

“No, we don’t.” Bucky had moved to her side at some point and Brenda winced as he grabbed her upper arm, “I promised I would kill you if you fucked this up for us, but I won’t put Steve through that. You’re coming back and we’ll figure out what the hell happened. And then you’re _gone!”_

Brenda looked desperately around her, to anyone that believed her and found not one sympathetic face. Thor was busy trying to calm Hulk, and Steve… he wouldn’t look at her at all.

“I am not taking the blame for this! I did as I was supposed to! I waited for you guys! Someone hacked us and you just blame me?! Because of a _crush?!”_ Steve turned and finally met Brenda’s eyes and all her hope shrivelled up and died. Captain America was looking at her and he was as cold, distant and deadly as his assassin friend.

“You’re not trustworthy. You’ve been sleeping with him this whole time… you hated being on Comms… you were never a real Avenger.”

Almost without thought, Gremlins appeared all over Bucky and he dropped her arm on a yell, growling and tearing at the little monsters as they clawed and bit at him for her. Just as quickly, Brenda erected a large thorn bush (like one she saw in Sleeping Beauty) to stop anyone from getting to her quickly and then she turned and ran.

Once she got about one hundred metres away she created Falkour from Neverending Story and jumped on his back.

Brenda couldn’t look back as the dragon flew off to her new destination, his innately lucky nature meant that they were not followed. Tears that had nothing to do with the cold air or the speed Falkour flew at fell from her eyes too fast for her to stop them and they blinded her.

***

Several hours later they were flying over Westchester, New York and storm clouds gathered at a speed that would make any meteorologists scratch their heads in confusion. Brenda knew who this was, however and, as the storm started in earnest, gale force winds trying desperately to throw her off of Falkour, Brenda thought as hard as she could, _“ItsmeItsmeItsmeItsmeItsme!!!”_

The wind dropped again and the sun came out as the dark clouds disappeared. Brenda patted Falkour’s neck and they flew down to the immaculately kept lawn where Brenda was met by a beautiful and regal woman with the most incredible pure white hair, a wonderful contrast to the chestnut coloured skin she had. Ororo Munroe raised an imperious eyebrow at her.

“So, back again, huh? I thought you were too good for us, Brenda?”

Eyes filling with tears again, she collapsed against the older woman. Brenda and Ororo had always had this sort of relationship and Brenda trusted her with her life, “I need to see him, Storm. Please? They’re coming to kill me!”

Ororo’s eyes went white for a split second but she nodded once and headed towards the door, “And your dragon?”

“He can stay there, some of the younger kids might like to play for a few hours? He’ll go by tonight.”

They rushed through the halls until they came to Professor X’s office, the door opened before they got there by one of the most dangerous men Brenda had ever met.

Well, to anyone else Logan was dangerous. With Brenda? Well, they had always got along. Probably for the same reason Hulk had liked her, Brenda could make things that Logan couldn’t hurt. No matter how angry he got.

“Hey, kid. What the hell are you doing back here?” Before Brenda could answer, the soft and calm timbre of Charles Xavier’s voice interrupted.

“Brenda is in danger, Logan. The Avengers think she killed one of their own.”

“I didn’t do it, Professor. I promise.” Brenda responded, desperately. In her fear though, she had almost forgotten Charles’ own mutation and he smiled at her and waved a hand.

“Of course not, you were just talking with Thor. Nothing more.” A pause where Storm and Wolverine looked at each other in confusion, then, “Very well. You will stay here and we will deal with The Avengers should they come for you.”

“I won’t go back, Professor. Never.” Brenda vowed. Her grief for the loss of Natasha was held firmly at bay. The betrayal she felt from her team was a bitter flavour on her tongue.

What Steve did… no. Brenda would never go back to that team of insecure cowards. Brenda was back where she belonged now. With her family.

With mutants.


End file.
